im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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