Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
