so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
