dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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