Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
