Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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