Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
