my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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