I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
