Do you still have your period?
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
