Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
