I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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