just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
