Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
