I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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