My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
