Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
