I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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