Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
