walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
