apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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