Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I forget how to act sober
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
