I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize