I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
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