Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
