I want to make a zoo with you.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
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