he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
