My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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