you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Randomize
