What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I deserve this hangover.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
