i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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