you guys were way drunker than both of me
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
