friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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