I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
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