sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
