if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
