you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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