Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
