I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
