He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
