Moan for me like Helen Keller
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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