i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
