I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
