I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
