This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize