he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
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