my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
