Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
