you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
