Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
