i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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