Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
