For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
