I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
