and i looked up. we had an audience...
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
