Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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