Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Randomize
