you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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