You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Bring me that man meat
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
