question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
