So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize