Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
We are two peas in an std pod
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
ttyl tear gas
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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