It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
My bed smells like the plague
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
