dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
