Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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