I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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