i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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