ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
