everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
