I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
