How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize