Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
stop calling my apartment porn island.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Randomize
