I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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