it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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