She even gives head with a lisp.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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