Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize