Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
