That's when you crack a 10am beer
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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