i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i think my tv is drunk
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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