i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
