even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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