fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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