I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
