Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Randomize
